So today, I learned many things. I learned what I love, what I hate, and when and what can make my true emotions come out. I learned how much I truly love my girlfriend. My beautiful, amazing girlfriend. She puts herself down so much, and it brings me into deep sadness. She doesn’t realize how amazing and perfect she is. How special and unique. How amazing and beautiful she is. She makes me feel like a million bucks. Each and every time I look into her eyes, I fall deeper and deeper in love. I can’t imagine myself with anyone else.
I will admit something about today. We spent almost 10 hours together. First time in a month. A long, hard month. And i told her how much I loved her. How much she’s changed my life in the past 6 months. And something absolutely shocking happened. A first for me in my life, she actually sat there, and explained why she loved me, and explained that she does love me. It brought me to tears to tell you the truth. I really don’t cry. I didn’t cry at Shauna’s funeral. I don’t cry when I’m upset, pets, or family or anyone dies, nothing. Emotionless. I don’t cry. But tonight, she brought me to tears. With my arms wrapped around her waist, gently kissing her soft lips, she told me. I love her. She knows that. I didn’t really truly believe that she loved me until tonight. I cried twice. 2 times, right in front of her. Because nobody’s ever told me they love me, nobody’s ever treated me like she does. Nobodies ever cared. Simple enough. There’s no reason I guess, Just people don’t find me to be worth their time, but she does. I just can’t believe that god brought such a perfect girl into my life.
I think it’s a blessing honestly. December 30th 2012 is when we met. When I was literally torn to shreds. Absolutely to bits. But she came into my life. She restored hope. Happiness. Faith. She gave me a reason to live. To follow my dreams and continue on with my life. At a time that I was at the bottom and couldn’t seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel, the steps back up to the top, she led the way. She showed it to me and brought me out of that deep pit of sorrow, depression, and tears. She led the way, we had our rough patches, I mean, everyone does. Every good friendship and every relationship. March 14th 2013 though, changed everything. She went from, “I love you” to “this won’t work, Jon came back” within a 12 hour period. She left me hanging. Hanging on the cliff ledge and all I could do was hang on. I hung on and on for 2 weeks. Then i left. I let go. Everything fell. Things went back into their downward spiral. This was until one day, I got the guts to get back up. To climb up and text her. Take that little risk. I remember, that first text. She didn’t respond.
I waited. 2 more days, I tried again, and was absolutely gratified to receive a text back. We started talking again. Here and there, couple times a week. I then decided, I couldn’t put her out of my life any longer. I knew she was special. I couldn’t just let her walk out. We began talking again, and before we knew it, it became an every night thing, then the phone calls came back. We would talk on the phone for 8 hours at night. Until 5 in the morning, just like nothing. I began to feel that spark again. We made memories.
We got screwed by the cops our first night of summer. i think that’s where things really set off. We had more and more conversations. We’d talk all day everyday. Then we planned a day just for us. We’d go the park, go to lunch, everything. Just us. It was honestly probably one of the best days of my life. I decided at that moment, I couldn’t wait anymore. I made a promise in June of 2012 that I wouldn’t date anyone till I get my license… That would be in August of 2013. It was now July. I told myself, and we discussed it, could we go a month? Could we pull through? And we thought we could. And we did. I could call her my girlfriend. I could kiss her. I could hug her. I could call her mine. That’s all I wanted ever since January. It was a dream come true. We got into a couple fights during July, but every single one made us a stronger couple. Stronger than we were the day before. It brought us closer. Closer than I had ever been with anyone. And then today happened. Our 1 month anniversary basically. 4 weeks to the date. so technically a month I guess, i mean, 4 weeks. We planned the day. and that’s what today was about. We hung out for 10 hours. We didn’t spend a second away from each other. We were our goofy, weird selves. and I loved it. Every part of it. Every second. Every hug, every kiss, every time that I could look into her beautiful blue eyes. Stroke her gorgeous hair. Kiss her soft, warm lips, and tell her I love her, I just felt like I was with who i had always dreamed of having. The description of perfection is her. Whether she likes it or not. It is her.
In the end, I love my girlfriend. I’m beyond blessed to have such an amazing person in my life. A person who i can call mine and tell her I love her, and have her say it back. And mean it. And have the ability, just by speaking, to bring me to tears. I couldn’t love her anymore than I do. I know, I have my trust issues, and I’m self conscious, and I really hate certain aspects about me. But she looks past those and looks at the bright side of me. And that’s amazing to me. That’s why I love her. From her beautiful face to her unique personality. Everything about her is perfect. I’m glad to call her my girlfriend. Camille Page Harrison has honestly made me the luckiest man on the face of this planet. In reality, She has. She’s a dream come true. An angel sent from heaven. A blessing in my life. A blessing that has dramatically changed my life and effected me in many ways. She’s an angel. She’s MY angel. I really do hope she reads this, and if she is, I have one thing to say.
I love you more than you love me Camille Page Harrison<3
Devyn Di’Angelo Morris
Tears on my pillow
Swollen eyes and a soul full of depression
The little joy in my life is still there
But it’s not enough
Not enough to fill my hopes
I need more
I need happiness
I need hope.
I need support
Yeah, I know. Im needy, but that’s me
I’ve just gotta accept it I guess…
Gotta accept who I am versus who I want to be.
I’ve been through so much in my life
I raised my brother and sister basically alone at the age of 10.
I’ve been through court
Through tragedies and heartbreaks
And I just feel that there’s nothing positive in my life.
Everyone around me has so much. Is so happy with their lives.
Im just here like, okay… Thanks for nothing…
After everything that’s happened to me, your think my life would be better than it is.
That my family would support me.
That I would have more than 5 freaking friends who are actually close to me
That people wouldn’t stab me in the back
Let me bleed
And just leave the mess for all to see
To tear me apart and break down walls
Just to cause devastation.
That’s all I want to ask.
I’ve just gotta keep my head up I guess.
But at this point.
Its near to impossible.
Only because im me.
Overexerted and unrealistic…
To me, Love is many things
Love is being there for one another
Love is trusting one another
Love is having Fun
Love is enjoying Life
Love is being yourself
Love is smiles and tears
Love is more than a feeling
Love should consume you
More than feelings do
you should always be there
Straight, gay, or bi
It’s all the same
I mean Honestly
Everyone is capable of all of these things
all this love
And I’m capable of it too. I have the most wonderful amazing girlfriend on the face of this planet. We’ve been through almost everything we could have gone through in the past 6 months. But time after time, we come back to each other. We laugh. We smile. We kiss. We hug. We cry. But most importantly. We love. Something I’ve never truly had in my life because everyone likes to take advantage of me. Whether it’s for my sincerity, trust, happiness, “popularity”, friends, or money, they always seem to find a way to use me. But she doesn’t. My wonderful perfect girlfriend. I’ve never been able to trust someone so much. Yes. I know we get into our silly little fights. But I love her. And babe, if you’re reading this I want you to know that i’m telling the truth. I trust you more than anything. You even stated that it would be the most important thing in this relationship. I agree. It is. That’s why I’ve gone all in for this one last time. Every time it has happened to me in the past I end up with a heart break and am drug to the bottom of my soul. Drug to the point that I can’t push on anymore and can’t seem to find a single drop of happiness in my life.
Thank you for being there for me love <3 Nobody’s ever stuck around as long as you have. I know I have my problems and imperfections, but you look past them to the bright side. That’s a very difficult quality to find in our modern day world. I love that about you. As I said before. After my last relationship, my expectations in a girl were high. Getting to the point that I thought to be impossible to reach. Almost to the point of lowering them. Then you came into my life and just set a whole new level. Blew past my impossible expectations. My ridiculous expectations. You’re perfect. Beyond perfect my dear. After everything that’s happened in my life, you always are the number one thing to bring happiness to me. You look past my imperfections. That’s an amazing thing in my eyes because there are so many of them. To my low self esteem, to my overdramatic days, depression waves, mood swings, not trusting, over cautious, and unthoughtful self. I go on these little moodswings and say things that shouldn’t be said. I say things that make myself question what i’m doing with my life. What I want. But then I realize, All i’ve ever wanted is right in front of me. Telling me she loves me and really meaning it. What else could I ask for honestly? Nobody in this world is perfect. Neither I nor yourself. But it takes the right person to see past the imperfections and see the perfections in that person, and in my opinion, whether you have the same opinion or not, I think we’re perfect for each other. Not individually, but together. I know I over think. I know its hard for me to let go of past memories. It’s hard for me to let go of the whole Jon situation. But i’m almost there. Just stick with me in that. I can’t imagine my life without you. You came into my life at just the right time. Having suicidal thoughts and major depression, you jumped in. You’re a blessing, and I thank god for him to bring a perfect little angel into my life to help me along the way and guide me to happiness. and actually bring real happiness into my life.
Darling, I just want you to know that I love you. I love you so so so so much I could never give it to you in words. I’m willing to fight for this relationship. I won’t give up. I’m keeping that promise. I can’t lose the love of my life. My everything. My happiness. My motivation. My dream girl. The love of my life. I love you babe.
Devyn Di’Angelo Morris <3